I know it has been WAY TOO LONG since I have posted anything to this site. In fact, my countless followers must think I have faded into obscurity. Well it’s hard to be more obscure than a person who when using the word countless actually means you literally can’t count what isn’t there. That being said, my generous (understatement) hiatus from “Christian help” blogging has been quite busy and quite imperfect.
I’ve grown a lot and changed a little since the last time I “penned” a thought here, so I thought I’d read some of my previous posts. I noticed that a word I use often to describe my current condition with regard to sexual addiction is “freedom.” I suppose a mistake could be made in taking much of what I have said to mean I have some how attained perfection, or that it is something within 0ur grasp. Far from it! I cannot stress enough how imperfect and wretched I am even to this day. I have fallen and stumbled in thought and action so many times in the last couple of years. I am an imperfect husband who fails to meet every need of my wife and kids almost every day.
But for Christ I would be stuck this way. If it wasn’t for His imputed perfection through His bleeding to death for me on the cross, I would be weighed down with the shackles of addiction, deeper in sin, dug into porn and masturbation too sickeningly deep to think of. My only grounds for claiming freedom from this sin is Christ’s free gift of grace and forgiveness, and the power He has given me to have a heart that wants to repent, needs him, and recognizes my weak spots.
I am not physically released from the evil desires of my mind, and I may not be until I leave this world. I have come to grips with that. However, Jesus has taken the shame and guilt away so I don’t have to hide it in the shadowy corners of my life anymore. I can drag it out into the light and be open and honest about it. THIS IS THE FREEDOM I AM TALKING ABOUT. I should never be pretentious or pharisaical. It is too easy to talk about being freed from sin and act like it is only a part of your past, as if it was the “old you” before you were saved; as if today you are above it on your own. I speak of freedom because porn holds so little power over me anymore that I can’t even enjoy it when my addicted flesh wants to. I am not so afraid to talk to my wife about it anymore. I barely mind even talking to people I hardly know anymore because it is a part of my life that Christ has given me peace about. That’s not to say that I don’t want it sometimes, but it doesn’t keep me captive and in the dark like it used to. It can be the same with you, as well, if you will open up.
One of my favorite music groups is a band called Emery. They are a bunch of [mostly] honest sinners like me, who pretended for too long to be great Christians, but discovered over a decade of touring, ministering, partying, and trying too hard, that they are bad Christians. I like much of their perspective on their walk with Christ and their responsibility to each other, their wives, and the Church to be brutally honest about their failings. Toby, one of the lead singers, has a similar story to mine about how bad his struggles with porn have been. I must warn you, they are blunt and honest and a little rough around the edges at times, but their heart shows through. You may not agree with everything they have to say, either, but I would say it refreshes me how open they are. I pray that all of Christ’s followers would follow their example and dialogue with one another and quit pretending to be perfect. To have a heart to please the Lord and do his will, but not hide the places they fail. Check out what they have to say at http://badchristian.com.